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UPDATES on the bug boy

I'm almost half way done with my MA in el. ed at Lewis and Clark and it is WICKED hard but I'm shouldering through. It's a one year intensive program. I'm reading 200 pages a week and riding my bike and working out. I hired a personal trainer with some of my student loan money because I know for a fact that if I got a gym membership 1. I would have a hard time motivating to go on my own and 2. I hate working out in front of men...they are always staring at my titties and seeing how much weight I'm lifting and I am kind of self conscious about my strength level...so I hired a personal trainer at a women's gym that happens to allow co-ed personal training in a separate room apart from the main gym. This means that I basically have an entire gym to myself! I am working on building my back muscles so I can begin the process of un-hunching my back by practicing good posture. I am also building my triceps and shoulders so that my body looks more like it did when I worked construction. I am also running...which is helping me stay quit from smoking, which I started a little bit since starting grad school. I don't want to be a smoker again, I worked SO HARD to quit. Training is definitely helping me.

I realized why I was having health problems and pretty bad add/adhd was that I have a wheat allergy. Since going almost entirely gluten free since april 2010 I am feeling 1000 times better!!! I have had almst no sickness aside from the BAD flu that everyone had in Sept. It's hard but good, and I found the best gluten-free sandwich bread evar!

I moved out of Jose's house in November 2009. I was happy there, but wanted to live with my friends Barb and Hill, a cute butch/femme couple who I was close with. When I moved in I signed a 6-month lease like an idiot. Of corse, come to find out the femme is completely mentally unstable, trans-phobic and sex-negative...all these things that I NEVER saw after being friends with her for over a YEAR! She was man-hating and weirdly mean to me in this way I have never experienced...major passive aggression and ultra-controling-ness about everything in the house. As an example, we had a built in bookcase that took up an entire wall of the living room. There were 20 shelves on it. She allowed me to have exactly two to put by books on. Two. Her girlfriend was affraid of her mood swings and abuse anger explosions and was so meyered in emotional abuse with this woman that she couldn't even see how she was treating me or her. So I left and moved in to Terry Treat's house! It's the BEST house evar! Terry is a hippy mama femme in her 40's who lives with her hto butch girlfriend, also in her 40s, and we cook and dance and hang with the dogs and read and do homework and it's been 6 months of total chillness. They are so body-positive and sex and kink friendly and the house is HUGE and I live in the biggest room I have EVER lived in EVER. I will be here for a very very very long time I think. A very long time.

I have pretty much been single since Dec 2008. Me and The Boss (the rancher)...well...we hang out when he's in town, and I occasionally go out to the ranch, but now that I have a life and grad school and work I don't have much time for play. Was serving a butch, we'll call her V, for a very short while, but the fit just didn't feel right. I have tried with The Boss and her to do more casual play...but I have realized that in order to go into a place of taking deep pain or performing deep service, I must trust the person I'm playing with on an intimate level and they must be someone worthy of that trust...someone with honesty, integrity, someone who is a good communicator. It has been hard for me to trust in the past two years, so I have not really been looking in any real way. I have just been doing what I need to do to advance my courier and my mental and physical health. I guess that's what a truly good boy needs to do, whether he has a dominant in his life or not. Maybe I'll find that person who is worthy of my service, someone who find me worthy to serve them, but it is not something I am seeking out at this time in my life.

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